Isn't it funny how first impressions are often completely wrong? I guess that's human nature kicking in again-only allowing us to notice the superficial without paying any attention to a truer, deeper meaning. We really are less intelligent than we like to think!
Anyway, the reason I mention this is because at first glance, I probably seem slightly aloof to the incredibly rural landscape which in which I live; I'm more of a theatre-goer than a horse-rider, I've never felt much of an affinty towards anoraks and can live without hours of fresh, rainy air consumed in desolated corners of the nearby coastline. In short, my character has all the attributes of an arty, comfort-loving city girl rather than an an active, nature-adoring type. For years, this is how I, as well as others, perceived myself. And yet recently, I have taken a second, deeper glance at myself and have realised that this place actually means an awful lot to me.
Take this very moment, for instance. I'm sitting on my bed, legs crossed, trying to write this best I can. Everytime I come to a natural pause in my writing, I look out of my window for some inspiration. Although I live in a rural village, it is not a particularly rural view-houses and roads hide the fields and coastline behind. However, on the horizon, I can see the edge of a green, leafy, clifftop; and this is the point to which my eyes are repeatedly attracted. Whilst looking out at this green expanse, I feel a calmness pervading all other emotions; there's a sort of tranquility and security which arises from its imposing form. Accompanied by today's blue sky, it is a comforting constant in an ever-changing world; a point largely untouched by the human hand. It is simple, yet beautiful; and although beautiful, still real.
This experience, albeit a small one, signifies how I, and I imagine many others, feel about nature, and particularly signfies how I feel about Pembrokeshire. I've grown up surrounded by the hordes of tourists which flock to this corner of the Welsh coast, and have observed the way they are almost hypnotized with pleasure when witnessing its beaches and mountains. However, I have never until now grasped exactly what it is that they're so pleased to see and feel. To them, foreigners to a natural landscape, these are not simply 'beaches and mountains'- but a sensual feast of colours, shapes, moods and symbols which are a far cry from the everyday sights and sounds of the city. For them, Pembrokeshire's natural landscape renews a sense of child-like wonder with them. Although this is something I now acknowledge, it is not a concept a person can fully acknowledge whilst living here. The whole landscape is too familiar.
But the question you're wondering (or I'm going to imagine you're wondering for the sake of this blog-entry's structure) is- why have you noticed all of this now? What is significant about this moment in time? Why the sudden rush to appreciate where you live, when you've taken it for granted for so long?
Well, unfortunately, it all comes back to another unfortunate downfall in human nature-that you never know what you've got until it's gone-or at least, until it's about to go!
In 23 days, I'll be heading to university, and Pembrokeshire will be left behind. And that's why I've suddenly found the capacity to appreciate this beautiful, gentle place where I've been lucky enough to grow up.
I listen to the radio a lot, and amidst the the meaningless prattle and the enjoyable yet often soulless music, a song's lyrics rang out to me:
"If it's meant to be, the universe is gonna throw it back to me...To get it back, all we need is to let it go".
So, I guess I've just got to let this place go, and put my relationship with it in the faithful hands of the universe. But if there's anything the universe throws back to me, I hope it's Pembrokeshire-again and again and again.
No comments:
Post a Comment